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PRE-FLIGHT SAFETY ANNOUNCEMENT Good evening, and welcome aboard. Your captain today is The Great One. Please locate your nearest exit. You will not need it. No flight of his has ever required one, and the exits are maintained purely to satisfy regulators who have not met him. In the unlikely event of turbulence — and it is unlikely; weather generally reschedules — oxygen masks will drop automatically. Secure your own first, then assist the passenger beside you. The Great One requires neither, but appreciates the gesture. We remind passengers that the seatbelt sign is illuminated at his discretion and extinguished at his convenience. We expect to arrive ahead of schedule. We always do. Schedules are written in advance and he is not. Sit back, relax, and enjoy the fact that he is flying this thing.

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